Author: nemofish

2019 in a Nutshell

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So it seems that 2019 flew by, with me flying more often than not. Thinking about it now, I probably ended up spending almost half the year away from Toronto between work and personal travels.

Work travels weren’t particularly exciting, but it exposed me to the east coast of the country I grew up in for the first time. Again, it made me realize how much of a city girl I really am. As much as I enjoy the outdoors and the serenity of nature, I am still very much a city girl and the thoroughly enjoy being able to see the city lights at night, find (decent) food at all hours of day and night, and easily surround myself in the diversity that Toronto offers. The more I travel, the more settled I feel that Toronto is home.

Another thought that has been creeping up on me over the past year or two is that the older I get, the less I feel a need to jam everything into my schedule when I travel. Maybe I don’t need to see this museum, or that tower. Giving myself some R&R opportunity while I travel isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean, while I do enjoy occasionally being in the midst of the hustle and bustle of a new city if I don’t need to be rushing anywhere just to soak in the environment (whatever that means), I also find the quiet of the night on a city street can be eerily serene and soothing as well.

All in all, 2019 brought me on some surprising but very memorable adventures. Traveling to Moncton for work allowed me to visit Halifax and Alma for the first time. Seeing Italy in the summer meant beautiful (and busy) coastal drives on the Amalfi, gorgeous train rides through Italy to Lake Como, Milan, Florence, and even up across the border to Switzerland. The winding roads of Tuscany were also a joy. Conquering Mount Kilimanjaro in October with friends was the most difficult thing I have ever done (more on that in another post). Making it that far to Tanzania also meant I couldn’t just leave without going on a safari tour or hitting up surprisingly little known Zanzibar. Closing out the year with a bang, I finished up the work assignment that had me traveling out to Moncton throughout the year and found myself spending Christmas in Taiwan and New Years in Korea. 2020 is a clean slate right now, but I’m sure things will start popping up in no time. Cheers!

Comfortable

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That feeling of being home and doing nothing is actually quite comfortable after having to make sure you catch your flights for work and get everything done. I totally get it now. I mean, I was always the type to want to cram things into my schedule. I have 2 hours free here? What can I do? These days, I find myself just being okay without doing that. I have the afternoon free today? Maybe I’ll just start a new book or continue reading the one I started last week!

Is this me being comfortable? Is it me getting older? Perhaps I’m settling in? Or maybe it’s just me realizing I don’t need to be constantly on the move. It’s okay if I don’t want to do anything.

A friend messaged me recently and asked if I wanted to go rock climbing. And then he said after trying to guilt trip me that we’re still cool even if I don’t want to go. That’s how it should be. I’ve never felt like I had to give into peer pressure to join in on things or do things. I have always felt like I can say no to the people around me because they would understand. I think that I am fortunate to see that and to have fostered those relationships with people because I’ve come to realize that there are a lot of people who don’t feel like they can say no. There are a lot of people who feel lonely if they need to sit in a coffee shop on their own. There are a lot of people who feel a need to be with people in order to kill a few hours.

Perhaps this is comfortable. Comfortable with the way my life is right now. Until the next idea or ambition pops along then?

Your Flight Has Been Cancelled

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These are words that I do not want to hear. Twice in the past month I’ve heard this now. Let’s rewind a bit. About a month ago, I took my first work trip for a project I’m currently working on. Both the origin and destination cities were deep in the throes of winter wonderland, with snow blowing through one city then the other. This makes traveling between the two a bit tricky and uncertain.

I don’t think I’ve ever had this problem before because I was usually not travelling from one winter city to another, especially not so close to each other. I used to want to travel for work, but this experience and possibly the fact that I was already almost past the hump of wanting to travel for work in general is definitely making me yearn for my own bed and not having to travel. I can’t say I’m discouraged from traveling for leisure though. Finally starting to look at what my traveling will be like for 2019 and I’m excited. I am definitely also excited to learn a new language for my travels this year. Maybe I’ll reconsider the amount of time I spend working so that I can spend more time learning this new language!

Healthcare workers are amazing

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They don’t really tell you the worst part of the stitches is before the stitching starts. When they put that freeze in you, which literally freezes everything so you don’t feel the stitching. How ironic that the freeze actually feels like a burn rather than a freeze.

Yesterday, I experienced this for the first time in my life. I’m hoping that I don’t need to get stitches again any time soon, if ever. I got a cut across my shin, right on top of the top of my snowboard boot. Talk about freak accidents, right? Ski lifts are a dangerous thing. I thought I’d gotten the hang of getting off one smoothly, but it’s very much like driving on the roads. It’s not all just about you getting off safely. Everyone else also needs to get off safely (duh!). Anyway, domino effects are a thing and I swept off my feet by one, finding myself landing on top of my friend after getting off the lift.

I think the adrenaline kept me going because I didn’t realize how bad the cut was, or that there was an actual cut until 2 runs and a washroom break later when I was at the car trying to take off my gear. The second I saw it, I knew I’d need stitches. I was seeing more blood and more me than I’m used to seeing, that’s for sure.

Throughout the entire process, from the first aid centre at the ski resort to the hospital ED, I have to say that everyone who helped me or who checked on my wound was great. Considering the work they do and all the different injuries or problems they get coming in, they still managed to get through it all. I waited 5 hours at the hospital, which was what the indicated wait time was listed as, so that was fair. My injury wasn’t as serious as several others I saw coming in, so I definitely get why people are shuffled around based on need/urgency. Everyone I spoke to was in a good mood. I mean, my mood as the patient also probably dictates how they react too. But considering everything, they definitely work in a high stress environment and I am very grateful for their services and professionalism. If I’m not in enough pain to feel super miserable, then the least I can do is probably to share some of my sunny disposition (*SMILE*) with the staff who’ve already seen enough miserable faces during their shift.

Current Reads: Goodbye For Now

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Every so often, I find myself drawn back into the reading world by a book cover, a recommendation, an article, or just plain old walking into a bookstore and finding something that piques my interest.

The current read definitely has an interesting premise. I feel fortunate to say that I have never been in a situation where I was grieving for a close one. But I am very aware that many of the people in my life have lost close ones and have experienced grieving of their own. And I do very much mean, of their own. Everyone grieves differently and feels differently. Everyone needs something different and reacts differently. I can imagine that if I was grieving, this book might pull a much stronger emotion from me just because of what it is suggesting or asking the reader to consider. Alas, I am not in such a situation and am reading this book with a more philosophical hat on instead.

The romantic component of this novel seems to be only slightly secondary to the primary theme of the novel. What if there was an alternative way to grieve your loss? One that could help ease your pain to some extent? One where your loved one is still as lost to the world of the living as before, but you could say another goodbye or ease into that final goodbye in a different way?

There isn’t an easy answer for this. Each of us approaches our own death with each passing day. Quite a morbid thought, but it is what it is. We spend the time we have until that moment comes, hopefully living our lives to the fullest we can.

At a dinner tonight with a few friends, one of the significant others noted how difficult it was sometimes to keep up with how everyone is connected to each other. The more involved you are with other people in your life during your time with the living, the more people may be impacted by your passing. It’s all tied together. It’s almost enough for me to consider whether I should not build those relationships so that less people feel any sort of pain or sadness when I eventually leave. But very quickly, I back away from that thought. In place of that, there are memories that I’d rather experience and be able to cherish. Perhaps it’s partially selfish that once we pass, we are unable to actually see the pain of those closest to us. Our eyes are closed to it, quite literally so.

In the end, all I can think to say is to grab life by the balls and just live it. You don’t know when life will pass you by.