Author: nemofish

Romance at the Film Festival

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It’s been a while since I’ve felt the urge to write down my thoughts. I just finished watching a film which has brought on a flurry of what if type thoughts. It is October and the Japanese Canadian Cultural Centre is running its annual Toronto Japanese Film Festival (TJFF). In light of COVID-19 being with us this year, JCCC has allowed people to rent the films and watch them in the comfort of their own homes. Tonight, I watched the 4th movie from this month’s film features.

At the End of the Matinee is brilliant classical guitarist meets journalist. More than this, its a story of passion and intensity which endures across international borders and time. For those who intend to watch the film, I suggest you read no further.

As I watch the movie, I am continuously taken in by the soft and beautiful sounds of the classical guitar, which I have always found to be quite the romantic instrument. It is the perfect sound for serenading, possibly enhanced only words of love sung in a rich but moody baritone. The sexy baritone is just my imagination. I hope you don’t expect to hear any in the movie after reading this. As for our main characters, I can’t tell whether the guitarist captivates our leading lady first or the other way around. The movie itself feels a little longer than it needs to be, with certain parts of it simply feeling like too much. But what hits me in the gut is when I try to put myself in their shoes.

Parts of this film are set in Paris during the terrorist attacks. What would I do if I saw a close friend or colleague die or get injured right in front of me? It would be pretty shattering and shocking. I know people who were in the vicinity during these attacks and others. I am thankful they were unharmed and cognizant of the fact that many lost their lives. I can imagine getting trapped within one’s own thoughts of “Why did this happen to so-and-so?” or “Why is this mindless fighting happening?” The sad reality is that there are enough people who see a cause to fight for, otherwise it wouldn’t be happening. We simply need to take it one step at a time. One day at a time. We can only move forward by rebuilding when everything is washed away.

What about learning the truth about an incident several years later, without ever suspecting foul play? Learning it from the person who purposely misled you would feel like a nasty prank. As much of a calm and composed individual as I like to think I am, I think I would still be extremely angry. What I haven’t really figured out is whether it would upset me more to learn the truth at all by that point or to learn that I was misled to begin with.

And what about a fiery love that is so strong that you cannot help but to accept your fate and continue to move towards it with each breath you have even if you think you have moved on? I have always believed in moving forward. When I think about the star-crossed lovers reuniting after several years and many life events which are irreversible, it dawns on me that people must recognize a passion which exists in this world that surpasses rational thinking and behaviour. Is there really a love so great that you truly cannot control yourself and stop yourself from doing things that will cause ripple effects in other parts of your life? Are there people that are more susceptible to this love than others? That, I suppose, is the beauty of romance. Its dream-like nature, while occasionally gripping and scary with its intensity, ultimately gives people the ability to float about in the clouds and forget their woes if only for a moment.

I’m envious of…

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The individuals who seem to have awakened a desire and motivation to workout and get fit while in COVID lockdown. I have worked out maybe once a week at most while in lockdown, but I would definitely like to work out more. Tomorrow I will start tracking to a goal of three workouts a week. Let’s see how that goes in a month.

I have completed 3 workouts in the past 5 days. That’s definitely unusual. I have also concluded that I enjoy sports in large part due to its social nature. I’ll keep at this workout goal, but who knows where that’ll land me. I just need some active living in my lockdown life right now.

Decluttering the Mind

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I am a quite a lazy person. I have admitted that to myself for a while now. Being lazy isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It just means I’m not as ambitious or driven as I once thought I was. On top of this, I am also easily distracted and easily interested in a lot of things, so I accumulate projects and things that I want to try or do. The bright side of that is that I am not easily bored because I’ll never run out of things that I’m interested in trying or learning.

Having recognized all of this about myself makes me painfully aware of a problem that I would like to solve. Yes, I am hoping that documenting this in writing will give me a push in the right direction. I want to start limiting the projects I start so that I can actually finish them before starting on more. I want to clear up the clutter that some of this ultimately creates in my life (both mentally and physically).

Basically, my unmotivated self is recognizing that there are things that I want to accomplish and in order to do that, I need to set goals and a structure of sorts.

  1. Use space to limit projects. If there is no space physically, there is no room for more material for new projects. Recognizing the limits of a physical container is good as I’m the type of person to go ahead and fill things to the brim.
  2. Evaluate and assess inactive projects. Why did I stop these projects? Was there a blocker? Was there a loss of interest? Or did I simply get distracted? Is this project something I can and still want to complete?
  3. Prioritize projects and set targets. If I determine that the project is still something I want to complete, then I should figure out how much effort is needed to finish it and just get on it. Give myself a little kick in the behind to get things going again.

All in all, this exercise should lead me to purging as well because anything that I no longer want the finished product of should no longer be kept either. If I keep doing that, I’ll remain a hoarder forever (then again, maybe I already am a hoarder). In any case, here’s the start of trying to draw that box around everything and me completing a good purge!

Face Mask Journey

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I started 2020 in Korea. While in Korea, I decided to pick up a slew of different masks. I had already been using masks occasionally back home and had some favourites, but decided to try more out and see what the hype was about using masks daily. After I returned home, I started using masks at least two to three a week. There are a few very notable things that I have discovered about face masks now that I’ve tried a variety of them.

First off, you know how people always share photos of happy people doing masks? How are they doing it? Whatever medium of mask (clay, sheet, mud, etc), I find it extremely difficult to engage in something that requires movement of any part of my face. Especially when I am doing a clay type mask that hardens the longer it sits on my face. How are these photos real? My only conclusion is that they must have paint on their faces rather than actual masks or maybe they were willing to ruin the mask for the sake of a spark joy type photo.

Simple Google search for images of “face masking”

Secondly, when it comes to sheet masks, I have decided to stop feeling insecure about the shape of my face and just continue the search for a sheet mask that fits better instead. I find that majority of sheet masks I use leave the tip of my nose exposed, have holes that are extremely small for my wide Chinese eyes (I didn’t even think they were that wide tbh), and a small slit for a perfect heart-shaped kissable pair of lips (which I apparently don’t have). Watching vloggers doesn’t particularly help in all instances either because a lot of the popular mask vloggers either actually have face shapes that fit the masks or they’re using super expensive masks that I’m not prepared to spend the money on (yet). As a result of all of this, I have discovered a love for 2-piece masks which seem to fit way more smoothly on my face and feel a lot more comfortable.

Thirdly, I am still unable to really tell the difference of what these masks are doing or not doing for my skin. I love that they make my skin feel moist and supple after finishing the mask, but I don’t think there has been any mask that hasn’t made my skin feel more moist than before doing the mask. I probably just need to trial run specific masks for a more extended period of time in order to actually tell any lasting difference, but the only masks I have for that purpose are the sheet-a-day type masks, which are quite handy.

Lastly, I’ve learned to treat my masking time as dedicated time to relax my face, mind, and body. After I jot down my initial notes on the mask, I lie back and relax. After all, isn’t this also meant to be a pampering activity? I know there are lots of people who include sheet masks as part of their skincare prep prior to applying makeup, but I am not motivated to wake up early enough before work to delve into a complex beauty routine like that. My preference is for it to be a treat at the end of the day before I doze off to la la land.

Building a Beauty Routine (of sorts)

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I am the first to admit that I was terrible with keeping any sort of skincare routine while growing up, but I’ve kind of fallen into something akin to one over the past two years. Most of this is attributable to my increasing use of makeup and the need to make sure I am able to clear my face of all remnants of it properly. Part of it is me realizing that as I age, my body is starting to show signs of it. This is where I flashback to when I was in high school and my wise mother told my siblings and I that we would regret not following rigid face-washing practices and keeping a good skincare routine. Lo and behold, I am now in my 30s and starting to see fine lines on my forehead, take more notice of the pores across my cheeks, and just feel a need to make sure my face isn’t dry like sandpaper through all the seasons that I experience living in Canada.

Over the past two to three years, I have actually learned (slowly, but surely) to use a number of makeup tools with the help of my sister, some girlfriends, and YouTube videos. I am by no means an expert and I will most definitely look for the easy way to do something. Less is more is my mantra and finding that balance between natural makeup and overdoing it is something that takes practice. I have probably looked a little too bold with my lipstick on some days or maybe went too heavy with the brow pencil, but this too, is a personal preference and all that matters is that you are happy with the way you look. It’s quite the oxymoron, actually, to have a natural makeup look. But now that I have spent so much time looking into how to achieve this, I understand the fascination. The basics of natural makeup look is really just making all your blemishes disappear! It’s quite magical and I haven’t perfected it yet, but there are parts that I think I have right enough that I’m happy with it. The last few weeks of working from home because of COVID-19 are the longest I have taken from makeup since I started experimenting more with it two years ago. It’s a nice break for my skin for sure, but I’m considering using this time to practice more skills without looking ghastly with my learning process. More on my progress with this another time.

My routine has grown since 2018 for sure. It started off with:

  1. makeup remover / micellar water / facial wipes
  2. a gel or foam type cleanser
  3. toner
  4. spot treatment
  5. moisturizer/cream

Now, my night-time routine looks like this and I have to say that a few of these are products are ones I’ve purchased more than once):

  1. oil cleanser (Franklin & Whitman Chestnut Hill Cleansing Serum)
  2. gel cleanser (Nuxe Reve De Miel Face Gentle Cleansing Gel)
  3. toner (Son & Park Beauty Water)
  4. eye serum (Hylamide SubQ Eyes)
  5. spot treatment (Oxy Deep Poor Acne Vanishing Treatment)
  6. serum (Kiehl’s Midnight Recovery Concentrate)
  7. cream (alternating between Tatcha The Dewy Skin Cream and Garnier SkinActive Moisture Bomb The Antioxidant Super Moisturizer depending on how dry/oily my skin felt that day)

As an added step to my night-time routine, I also do a face mask right after I use the my toner. I’ve learned to steer clear of certain types of masks when I have more active acne on my face as they irritate / burn more than others. In general, I find that I really like the cooling sensation and moisturizing effects it gives my skin. I’m not a huge fan of thicker and stickier serums because I feel like my face feels more tacky, but I understand that people use them for the longer term gain (i.e. plumper and smoother skin).

These days, even my lazy days consist of using gel cleanser, toner, and cream. Slowly building up habits. I’m currently doing a charcoal mask (Body Shop Himalayan Charcoal Purifying Glow Face Mask) as I write this entry. This is one of my favourites and I’m probably on my third jar of this already over the past 3 years.